I'm sick & tired of guessing around!!!

Do u knw y i use blue???Thats because i'm feeling down frm wad has happen ytd...I knw tat ytd was ching birthday party,and i shoulden't feel this way...But my heart & mind dun wanna listen to me,tats y i feel so moody...
When ytd i meet tri to acc me buy the cake for ching celebration,we talk alot and i told her wad has happen to ching in skul as i knw that she is troubled and i oso dunno how to slove her problem,tats y i told her story to ching...But from the conversation,i knw something,and that is from the start till now,all my friends around me are not telling me the truth and all the things that i've done wrong,they dun tell me straight,instead,they tell other ppl...And this is wad i dislike...From the past,i've been telling ppl that,if they are unhappy wit me,jus tell me straight to e face,and dun let me wait till i heard frm other ppl mouth...
After i told tri abt wad has happen to ching,she told me that the real reason of y ching dun wanna celebrate her birthday is because i pissed her off...Do u knw that when i heard this sentence,how hurt am i...???And i cannt show it to anybody else,all i nid to do is keep it in my heart...I really cannot tak it anymore,i think that my heart is tearing apart...From the past till now,lots of question that i really wanna ask my friends are in my heart and all the problems i really dunno wanna tell who cos once i tell the wrong person,everybody will knw...So lots of things abt me,none of my friends knw...
I'm really feeling v sad,somehow or rather i have a feeling that my friends are using me...Whenever they nid me,they will think of me,but once they do not nid my help,they will not find me...Y is things happening in this way...I really cannt understand...I treat them wholeheartly lyk how i treat my family members,but y i jus cannt feel it this way...This is the real reason y i do not like to go out with them,cos i feel very left out,nobody in the group cares abt me...I'm like invisible to them...Lyk once,it was during kai birthday when me and ching cannt go n celebrate her birthday...When i called her and tell her tat i could not attend her birthday,her ans was lyk "ok!",but once i say that ching oso cannt attend,her reaction was lyk "huh!"...I'm sure that even an idiot oso can tell that who is the real sister in her heart and who is not ba...
U all might say that i'm sensitive but this is not because of sensitivity and i type all this out de...This is through all the years of friendship between my friends and this is wad my heart tells me so....Sometimes i'm wondering wad i did for my friends are right,cos they simply do not appreciate it...I really cannot feel the appreciation aft all the things i've done for them...Seriously speaking,if they really do not lyk me,they can say so de,so i will not disturb them for life le...Cos i really feel the humiliation,i have my pride...So pls tell me the truth...