today .. heavy stone on my shoulder

do u know why this post is in red. cos it means danger. but where is the danger. the danger is on me. and what is tat danger. it means tat i could not take it any longer.

in my previous post, i have stated tat i've been elected as the class chair person. and today i really feel like giving up this post. i cannt do this and tat. i know tat whatever i do nobody can have any say. but being a class chairperson i need to be a role model right. this is wad yingying and tricia always says and i also think tat its right. cos if i do not chow such role model and continue playing my ds in class, talking or evn sleeping. ppl will have the chance to say things behind my back. so to prevent all these, i have to change my habits for the time being right. i really feel tat its not myself.

although today i did not do anything much, all the work is welly the one who is doing and i feel gulity cos i'm suppose to do my part too.
just after the TR, everybody is so shacked and tired. they all wanna go home early. but me? i'm sitting there playing my ds and doing nothin to let the class going home early. i did not went to the teacher to ask if whether there is extra room for the lesson to start early.
seeing some of their eyes, looking very tired. i feel very useless at tat time you know. i cannt do anything. or my physical body didn't wanna take any action. really, at tat point of time i really feel very helpless. i dunno what to do. this is my first time being a chairperson. its really a world different frm a normal student.
although i've been a student councillor before, but the responsibility isn't as heavy as wad i'm going through. really feel like giving up. really feel like goingto mr lum and tell him to find a better person to take up this position.

today i really feel very very tired. mentally and physically. its like a big stone on my shoulder. i cannt breath properly. i cannt do whatever things tat i wanna do freely. its really a torture.

this kind of act i know its wrong. cos i shan't run away from reality. i cannt just push all the responsibility away like tat and turn my head away. i cannt. Cheryl, u need to learn how to take up responsibility. u cannt jus stay in shatec and be a normal student throughout the 3yesars. u need to learn something. u need to be independent my dear. outside th world u are all alone, no one will be there to hold u up when u fall. u have to stand up urself. same goes to this incident. although u feel very stressed up, but u must cope with it. u mus also rmb tat no matter what happens. besie u are all ur darlings and they are also waiting to share ur troubles and unhappiness. so u are not alone yea. cheer up :)

all these i know. i will try my best to be a grown up. give me few more days and i will get used to wad i suppose to do now. i need to learn how to cope will such stress and responsibility. i cannt jus let welly do everything and me doing nothing.

CHERYL, I KNOW U CAN DO IT :) JIA YOU!!!